


Kate Parker vs. Xefros Tritoh

by CreativityTheEmotion



Series: Perhaps my favorite OC and setting [2]
Category: Hiveswap
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 15:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19275688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreativityTheEmotion/pseuds/CreativityTheEmotion
Summary: Just because two people have a conversation, it doesn't mean that their encounter can be labeled with "vs.". You think I would have learned this after the "Riley Andersen vs." videos, but no.Anyway. These are the Rebelgram conversations between Joey and Xefros, except I substitute Joey for my own sweet meme daughter from the future, who was once meant to fill in Joey's role but utterly failed in that respect.





	Kate Parker vs. Xefros Tritoh

Your name is KATE PARKER.

Today is pretty much exactly the kind of day you SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED, given what CIRCUMSTANCES you put yourself in. On APRIL 13TH, 2041, you decided, against all logic, to LEAVE YOUR HOME and head towards an ABANDONED MANSION roughly on the ONLY COAST of the UNITED CITY OF AMERICA.

This was a VERY, VERY BAD IDEA.

While the mansion didn't have too many SINISTER SECRETS, it almost definitely had a SINISTER SECRET that might be the DEMISE of someone LESS DETERMINED. Among other objects in the mansion there were two things: a MYSTERIOUS SNAKE-THEMED PORTAL and a KEY TO UNLOCK IT. And, given those two objects, GUESS WHAT YOU DID.

Guess what you SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE.

Now, it looks like you are SOMEWHERE ELSE ENTIRELY. From the writing on this TABLET, you wouldn't even assume that you are ON THIS PLANET ANYMORE. If you were, then you would recognize the SCRIPT as SOMETHING ON EARTH. But, as far as you can tell, no, it DEFINITELY ISN'T.

Wait.

Is that a QWERTY keyboard?

The number of keys meant for letters definitely matches up, and while the letters themselves are not even closely related to their Latin equivalents, you are definitely not ruling the possibility that this is just some weird respelling of English out.

You suppose there is only one way to figure out.

* * *

|  | 

KATE: Hello. Can you read this%  
  
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|  | 

XEFROS: tetrarch!  
  
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XEFROS: what happened?  
  
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XEFROS: im so worried please tell me what is going on X:(  
  
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KATE: I would tell you, but I am already taking forever just to read what you just said.  
  
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|  | 

XEFROS: oh  
  
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XEFROS: um  
  
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XEFROS: is this the new direXion youre taking your code in?  
  
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KATE: Well...  
  
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KATE: No@  
  
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KATE: Which one of these is the question mark'  
  
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XEFROS: ?  
  
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KATE: Thank you.  
  
---  
|  | 

KATE: Now,  
  
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KATE: Who are you and what is a tetrarch?  
  
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XEFROS: well...  
  
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XEFROS: ...  
  
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XEFROS: oh man i ALMOST blew it  
  
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XEFROS: i was just about to tell you everything and you DEFINITELY dont want it  
  
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KATE: I am sorry, what?  
  
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KATE: Also, I just remembered what a tetrarch is, so you can forego that.  
  
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KATE: One of four leaders, right?  
  
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XEFROS: wow  
  
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XEFROS: im not sure if you just went fully onboard with the code or if you were just hit on the head real bad  
  
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XEFROS: do you need help?  
  
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KATE: What code?  
  
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KATE: And I think I am fine.  
  
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KATE: Who exactly is supposed to be talking to you?  
  
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XEFROS: i dont even care anymore  
  
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XEFROS: i mean i do care about the code and secrecy and everything surrounding that  
  
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XEFROS: im so sorry i even said that D:X  
  
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XEFROS: its going to be okay  
  
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XEFROS: i am going to get you out of this i promise!  
  
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|  | 

KATE: I would drop the call, but if I do not, I might go insane in this room.  
  
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KATE: Assuming I did not go insane already.  
  
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KATE: An alien language having the same letters as English? Really?  
  
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XEFROS: whats english? X:O  
  
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KATE: Of course you would not know.  
  
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KATE: First things first, though+  
  
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KATE: Formal introductions.  
  
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KATE: I have no idea what code you are talking about, so, if you were talking to someone else, please tell me now.  
  
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|  | 

XEFROS: um  
  
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XEFROS: no!  
  
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XEFROS: you see this is Xactly what you want to catch me doing  
  
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KATE: Wherever you are, on this planet or otherwise, I am going to get your guts with my flashlight if you do not tell me what is going on right this very moment.  
  
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KATE: Once again, no code is involved and you are not going to get punished unless you do not disclose the truth.  
  
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|  | 

XEFROS: over an insecure channel?  
  
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XEFROS: no way  
  
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XEFROS: the heiress will get us!  
  
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KATE: See? I have zero idea who this heiress is and that is what you get for not telling me anything.  
  
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KATE: You are making this more difficult.  
  
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KATE: No one is monitoring us.  
  
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KATE: Just tell me what is going on.  
  
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XEFROS: thats Xactly what someone would say if they were out to get us  
  
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KATE: Literally unbelievable.  
  
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KATE: I step out of my planet with its own idiotic populace and now I am supposed to entertain a planet where everyone thinks everything is top secret?  
  
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KATE: What do I need to tell you to get you to believe me?  
  
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XEFROS: tetrarch dammek?  
  
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XEFROS: really impressive...  
  
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XEFROS: well  
  
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XEFROS: impression X:P  
  
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KATE: First of all, if we want to reach a mutual understanding, you will address me as Kate Parker.  
  
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KATE: Not Tetrarch Dammek and most definitely NOT Flashlight Girl.  
  
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KATE: Secondly, you will also disclose your own name so I can refer to you using it.  
  
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XEFROS: oh yeah kate parker  
  
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XEFROS: now i remember  
  
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XEFROS: weird that your name is the same as that of my lusus  
  
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XEFROS: i mean  
  
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XEFROS: forget what i just said  
  
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XEFROS: that was always YOUR name and no one elses X:P  
  
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KATE: What is a lusus?  
  
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XEFROS: ...  
  
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XEFROS: ok no  
  
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XEFROS: scratch ALL of that  
  
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XEFROS: if youre a troll you would have some semblance of normal troll terms  
  
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XEFROS: and if your persona doesnt then your code is failing  
  
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XEFROS: which believe me  
  
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XEFROS: the tetrarch HAS his code figured out X:P  
  
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|  | 

KATE: Except I am not a "troll".  
  
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KATE: And you do not seem like one either.  
  
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KATE: On the other end of this beehive tablet, I imagine a perfectly reasonable alien being without any intention to infuriate me.  
  
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KATE: Maybe.  
  
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KATE: Your code nonsense has really put a question to that.  
  
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XEFROS: im so sorry! just realized that you might be an actual alien  
  
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XEFROS: tetrarch dammek kept talking about raising an alien army via his secret weapon  
  
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XEFROS: is he around?  
  
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KATE: No?  
  
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KATE: I would know if another sentient presence was around.  
  
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KATE: This is, by the way,  
  
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KATE: I am being completely honest.  
  
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KATE: Just now, I have been confronted with an entirely new world, and I would very much appreciate it if you put your revolutionary espionage aside and just told me what is going on.  
  
---  
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KATE: No codes.  
  
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KATE: No assuming that I am going to betray you.  
  
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KATE: Just pure honesty.  
  
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KATE: If I ask you a question, you give me the most truthful answer.  
  
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KATE: Agreed?  
  
---  
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XEFROS: wow you really know your way around words  
  
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XEFROS: tetrarch dammek is not nearly as  
  
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XEFROS: whats the word?  
  
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KATE: Articulate.  
  
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XEFROS: ah yes of course  
  
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XEFROS: im so sorry kate  
  
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XEFROS: i mean the alien kate  
  
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XEFROS: youre not AXUALLY my lusus who learned to use dammeks tablet are you?  
  
---  
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KATE: What? No.  
  
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KATE: I am a human from the planet Earth.  
  
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KATE: But, knowing my luck, you have not actually heard of it, have you?  
  
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XEFROS: no  
  
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XEFROS: which... is actually great!  
  
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XEFROS: now i get the true adult troll experience of exploring other planets X:)  
  
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XEFROS: thank you and once again sorry for not believing you at first  
  
---  
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KATE: It is alright.  
  
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KATE: Just, I guess, quit with the code.  
  
---  
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KATE: If you were so good at keeping the code, you would not have told me there is a code in the first place, now, would you?  
  
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XEFROS: youre right X:(  
  
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XEFROS: i blew it that very moment  
  
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XEFROS: but i guess it doesnt matter  
  
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XEFROS: once tetrarch dammek gets in touch with me i promise both him and you that i will remember everything!  
  
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XEFROS: you are now a living reminder of that kate alien  
  
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KATE: Is +Name Alien+ the standard way you refer to aliens?  
  
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KATE: Do you not have last names?  
  
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XEFROS: oh yeah we do  
  
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XEFROS: sorry  
  
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XEFROS: im actually Xefros tritoh  
  
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KATE: And only now, you gave me something to refer to you as.  
  
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KATE: I guess it does not matter now.  
  
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KATE: Nice to meet you, Xefros Tritoh.  
  
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XEFROS: same to you kate uh  
  
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XEFROS: oh yeah you have the same name as my lusus  
  
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XEFROS: kate parker  
  
---  
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XEFROS: now  
  
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XEFROS: i guess i go through the standard introduction tetrarch dammek prepared for aliens  
  
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XEFROS: i just didnt think id be the one to recite it  
  
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XEFROS: i cant remember anything X:(  
  
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KATE: Is it written anywhere?  
  
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KATE: Also, how do I get out of this room?  
  
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KATE: I am presuming I am in Tetrarch Dammek-s house, but do you know where his portal is?  
  
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KATE: No, wait, I meant +secret weapon+.  
  
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XEFROS: hive  
  
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XEFROS: tetrarch dammeks hive X:P  
  
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KATE: Yes, whatever, you have funny alien words.  
  
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XEFROS: indeed we do  
  
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XEFROS: no houses on this side of the universe X:P  
  
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KATE: Can you guide me out from the +hive+ or not?  
  
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XEFROS: oh yes of course  
  
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XEFROS: well  
  
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XEFROS: you should be able to activate the control panel with your fingers (assuming you have such things)  
  
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XEFROS: and once you figure that out ill be back with both the rest of instruXions and the greeting  
  
---  
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KATE: Well, that was a bunch of vague stuff.  
  
---  
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KATE: Regardless, I guess, see you in a while.  
  
---  
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XEFROS: bye!  
  
---  
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XEFROS: though you MIGHT wanna actually mind security neXt time  
  
---  
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KATE: ...alright.  
  
---  
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KATE: Can do.  
  
---  
|  | 

KATE: See you real soon, hopefully.  
  
---


End file.
